Reminder: How to Tailgate

#1: Bring Something. I don't care if it's a steaming bowl of poop, although bonus points go to those who surprise us with unique cuisine, unique drinks, unique outfits, unique decorations, or unique personalities. Bringing something is your pass to enjoy everything we have to offer at the tailgate.

#2: Eat Something.

 Dual reasons for this. First, we've got too much food, I promise.  Just stay out of Godmother's cheesy potatoes. Second, you'll need something of substance in your gullet if you want to follow tip #3

#3: Drink Something. The tailgate is BYOB, though occasionally a specialty drink makes it's way onto the menu for all to enjoy.  Bring a giant mug and fill it with a cocktail of your choosing. Bring a cooler of beer and empty it into your belly before kickoff. Take a tug on the bowl of Yucca. When it gets cold, sip a mug of spiked coffee. In short, get drunk, because you're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And let's not forget, the best tailgating stories always seem to include (insert person here) had a lot to drink, and then he/she fell down (into the bushes / on the stadium steps / into that girl's chest). Later (he / she) groped the (daughter / son) of (insert former tailgater here). We found (him / her) passed out (on the grass outside the stadium / in their car / under their car).

#4: Hug the Godfather. Why? Because we said so. Especially if you have no idea who he is. Because the Godfather loves to get himself some "strange."  Even better, if you liked it, you can do it again the following week because the Godfather never remembers you the first time.

#5: Respect the Hall. The members of the UMTailgate.com Hall of Fame. Recognize them, respect them, honor them. Don't know who they are? Check the flag.  We've got people here that have not missed a home or away game this century...seriously.

#6: Learn to Love. Respect all of the tailgaters, even those from the opposing team that are visiting us and wallowing in our dynasty and tradition. This applies to everyone except...

#7: Learn to Hate: Michigan State and Ohio State.  Don't mistakenly wear their T-shirts, their hats, and in most cases, their colors. This applies to tailgating and gamedays only...however, big bonus points if you apply this rule in your daily life, like me.

#8: Go to the Game. And try to make it there before kickoff.

#9: Go to an Away Game. Ya, we tailgate there too. Some long drives are in store for this season, but there's nothing like Saturday Night Football on the road, so quit being a candy ass and put on a white jersey.

#10: Ask Goody To Show You His Tattoos. It's not imperative for your enjoyment, but it makes me laugh.

#11: Follow the Theme. Yes, each tailgate has a theme, and the theme is posted with each game on the season schedule.

Profiles in Tailgating Excellence: Bacon

​Bacon.  Just the word sets off the pleasure portion of your brain.  Smoke-filled, crispy, fatty, meaty deliciousness.  It is the face of breakfast, and on brisk pre-game morning that finds you cracking a beer or swilling a bloody mary, nothing is better.  When you look upon a neighboring tailgate and you see that aromatic steam rising up over the sizzle of grease, you have no choice but to be filled with envy.  It goes well with everything, from vodka to ice cream.  Bacon preparation, however, is a delicate matter.  You want it crispy?  Soggy?  Burnt?  So many options.  Knowing when to pull the meat from the skillet is the key.

You can cheat the system if you don't mind bacon of a slightly lower quality.  

Pre-cooked bacon is available to heat and eat.  Not the best for straight ingestion, but great piled on some crusty bread with lettuce, tomato, and mayo...or a with some good cheddar and eggs on a breakfast croissant.

But the real thing is, well, the real thing.  It's what you want to wake up to...and it's what you CAN literally wake up to.  Pile it on a plate next to some pancakes in the morning...or put it in your pancakes.  Caramelize it and drop it in your martini for lunch.  Wrap it around a scallop and slap it on the grill for dinner, and your life will change.

But the best property of this tailgating essential?  You can get creative with it. Don't be afraid.  Chicken frying it or chopping it up and adding it to your peanut butter sandwich shouldn't make you flinch.

So...embrace it, celebrate it, wear it...hell, get some pork belly and make your own.  And in 15 days, prepare to eat it at the All-American themed tailgate before we kick Utah's ass.